In my last post, I referenced blogging about the first 2 weeks. It's almost 3 months later and that never happened. However, you should definitely know it's not because it sucked! If you remember my post on the first two weeks with Vera, then you can imagine my excitement :) I kept waiting for it to become terrible. By the end of the first week, when I still felt like things were going fine, I got even more nervous about what was to come. Honestly, I'm still holding my breath. I keep thinking that maybe it will be terrible when Dean starts fighting sleep more. And it probably will. But I'm also coming to realize that while I'm still a crazy schedule freak, and BabyWise is my crack, I have to let a lot of things just go with the flow.This article summed up my thoughts so well thus far!
It should also be noted that I did placenta encapsulation this pregnancy and it was a game changer. I definitely still had my down moments and I didn't feel like myself and I still had that moment of relief about feeling normal about a month- 6 weeks post partum, but those pills kept me sane. Even Derrick would notice if I didn't take one and would kindly remind me that I might want to :) You know when your husband picks up on it that it's working :) But for real, you can roll your eyes, but I'll never have a baby again without those. I still have lots left too and use them when I'm feeling a little cray :)
The biggest challenge has and seems to always be Vera :) She ADORED Dean and while I did kind of expect that, there was no real way to prepare. It was really hard for Derrick and I to sort through that. We didn't know how to discipline the new behaviors we were seeing. They weren't even negative, but they needed correcting and it took us a while to find a groove. She constantly wanted to hold him or feed him or touch his eyes and his mouth or sit in the baby swing with him or lay beside him on his playmat... you get the picture. All absolutely precious moments but I she didn't understand her strength. So if you're expecting and you have a little one at home who doesn't' immediately obey yet, talk through those things with your significant other. Figure out how you will handle things and be consistent from the beginning. We stumbled around with for so long that it was hard to correct once we figured out how we wanted to handle things. That has died down some. She still wants to do all of those things, and we let her, but now she understands she can't always. And I also let him sleep away from the crazy :)
The biggest difference is our busy level. I'm absolutely convinced that babies are easy (after having my second and although he seems more laid back, he still doesn't compare to terrible twos :)) but I also feel like we have reached a new level of busy. The weekdays just feel crazy. We are constantly going between full time jobs, preschool, and feeding schedules. It's not necessarily bad, but important to note for all of my expectant momma friends.
Don't get me wrong though.....I still find myself twitching when Dean won't sleep as long as he's
supposed to (and that's from the time I put him down to the next
feeding) or that he still wakes up at 3am (ish) just to be comforted, or that sometimes I still hold him for a nap (cause
there's nothing better than baby cuddles), but I know all of those are
phases. And sometimes, I twitch over that fact... that I'm not super stressed
by it. But in the end, I'm enjoying this time around so much more and
that's priceless to me!
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Dean's Birth Story
Since I started this blog, I have really loved to go back and read the posts of where we have been. It's been so healing for me with everything we went through. I tend to forget so many of the details as time goes on, so I'm using this to document all the memories! I love reading birth stories, so if that's not your thing, move on now :)
On Tuesday, we went in for my pre-op appointment as I was scheduled to have another c-section. We had decided to go with the c-section unless I went into labor early. There were just too many risks involved and at the end of the day, as long as our baby was here and healthy, it wasn't worth the risks of trying it naturally. Dean was breech anyways, so it wouldn't have happened regardless. Anyways, the pre-op appointment was quite ridiculous, in my opinion. They asked me a series of questions (that could have been asked a million other times) and gave me specific instructions for the night. I had to shower at night and use these anti bac wipes on the soon-to-be incision area. No eating or drinking past midnight. I was instructed to wear clean clothes and have clean sheets. Seriously?! Not that I sleep in gross clothes or sheets, but still! I could have gone into labor at any given moment and none of those things would have occurred. I totally get that it's preventative but it just seems crazy! We found out that we were scheduled for 8:15 the next morning and needed to be there by 6. I was super excited about this! I knew I was #3 of the day, but it turns out #1 went into labor early so she just moved me to her spot. I also wanted to be out of the house before Vera woke up!
The night before went pretty quickly. I was trying to soak up as much time with Vera as I could before rocking her little world. It was very strange to have a scheduled day to have a baby. Putting Vera to bed was really emotional, knowing what the next day would bring. I loved on her a little extra and cried like a baby for the next hour or so while I finished packing.
The next morning, I was ready to go! Of course, I had been throwing up all the day before, as any other day in my pregnancy, and I was so thirsty! Maybe I followed the rules too much cause I really would have loved some ice. I just didn't want them to tell me they couldn't deliver my baby that day so I followed the rules :) We got to the hospital and after a little waiting, we were taken back to the triage rooms. I was told there had been an emergency c-section so we had been pushed back some. Big bummer, but in the moment, you are glad you're not the emergency so I didn't mind it. As we kept waiting, my nerves (and thirst) started building. My nurse was a bit of a train wreck and was making me even more nervous. I won't elaborate much more there, but she didn't help my growing nerves. My mom, dad, and sister were all rotating coming in to hang. By 9:40 or so, we were headed back. I was really nervous about the spinal they were giving me (similar to an epidural) and the fact that they wouldn't let Derrick be in there until that was over and I was totally prepped for surgery. The part I needed him most for and they won't allow it. Again, frustrating! The nurses were great though and I had one holding my hands and helping me through it. As soon as that was over (and it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected), they had me lay down quickly before I went totally numb. At some point over the next few minutes, I started feeling super sick. Of course, Derrick still wasn't allowed in, as I was frantically asking. Part of me thought it might be my nerves. The anesthesiologists are very adamant to make sure you let them know when something isn't right (they were also awesome, by the way!). I brought up that I felt sick and they indicated my blood pressure had just dropped really low and they were working on getting it back up. At that point, I started gagging and throwing up. I felt terrible! I was getting clammy and they could tell I wasn't responding well. However, I have to admit that they have a fabulous procedure! Within seconds, someone was holding something for me to throw up in, someone was wiping my mouth every time I threw up (I was tilted to the side for this) and someone was placing cold cloths on my head. That would have been a really handy crew for my terrible nausea all pregnancy! That happened again one more time, but not as severe. After that, it wasn't long before Derrick came in and the show was on the road! I was so unbelievably calm during this surgery. I wasn't expecting that and it was welcomed! It felt like it took forever for the arrival of our (still unknown gender) baby! At one point, the doctor made a comment about how ridiculous my abs were. He was having a hard time cutting through them, which was kinda hilarious and also a huge compliment! I can't credit that to workouts though. It was all the throwing up I did over the past 9 months. After a couple more jokes about the holes in his fingers from cutting, we were getting close! At 10:05, they pulled out our sweet son. It was such a surreal moment. I absolutely loved finding out the gender in that moment (and him peeing on me apparently). My instincts the whole pregnancy have been boy, but you never know! As soon as he was out, I literally said "that feels so incredible". Although I was numb, you can still feel pressure and all the pulling and tugging. And unfortunately, the smell of burning flesh. That part was pretty gross but they put the oxygen over my face a little more so I didn't have to breathe that in! Anyways, back to that sweet baby! While they are cleaning him up, I just sit and stare. I hate not being able to hold him and love on him, but that's also a sweet time to see Derrick get to help out! We hadn't agreed to a name yet, so I was running through our options in my head while staring at him. After they did their thing with him, I got to love on him for a little bit. I definitely got to hold him a lot longer this time than I did with Vera and it was so sweet. Soon after, he and Derrick left and they finished stitching me up. With Vera, they knocked me out after (cause I had been panicking a little), so I didn't know what to expect. I just laid there while we all chatted about running, music, etc. It was just funny to have those conversations after just having a baby, but it was fun! My doctor is super fun anyways, so it was great. At one point, I asked if they had given me something to make me calm because that was so not my nature. They hadn't though! I don't even know how long that all took, but I think by 10:50 or so, I was being wheeled back to recovery. In those moments, we agreed to the name Dean. That was Derrick's first choice and after running through the other names in our head and ruling some of them out, I agreed. He did look like a Dean to me :) It's such a grown up name to me, but he's obviously just destined to be super manly :) (you're welcome future wife).
I couldn't be happier with the whole experience! It was so different from my experience with Vera, and I enjoyed the calmness about the day!
By noon or a littler after, we were being taken to the mother baby rooms where our journey with a new baby would start! Stay tuned for another post about the first 2 weeks at home!
On Tuesday, we went in for my pre-op appointment as I was scheduled to have another c-section. We had decided to go with the c-section unless I went into labor early. There were just too many risks involved and at the end of the day, as long as our baby was here and healthy, it wasn't worth the risks of trying it naturally. Dean was breech anyways, so it wouldn't have happened regardless. Anyways, the pre-op appointment was quite ridiculous, in my opinion. They asked me a series of questions (that could have been asked a million other times) and gave me specific instructions for the night. I had to shower at night and use these anti bac wipes on the soon-to-be incision area. No eating or drinking past midnight. I was instructed to wear clean clothes and have clean sheets. Seriously?! Not that I sleep in gross clothes or sheets, but still! I could have gone into labor at any given moment and none of those things would have occurred. I totally get that it's preventative but it just seems crazy! We found out that we were scheduled for 8:15 the next morning and needed to be there by 6. I was super excited about this! I knew I was #3 of the day, but it turns out #1 went into labor early so she just moved me to her spot. I also wanted to be out of the house before Vera woke up!
The night before went pretty quickly. I was trying to soak up as much time with Vera as I could before rocking her little world. It was very strange to have a scheduled day to have a baby. Putting Vera to bed was really emotional, knowing what the next day would bring. I loved on her a little extra and cried like a baby for the next hour or so while I finished packing.
The next morning, I was ready to go! Of course, I had been throwing up all the day before, as any other day in my pregnancy, and I was so thirsty! Maybe I followed the rules too much cause I really would have loved some ice. I just didn't want them to tell me they couldn't deliver my baby that day so I followed the rules :) We got to the hospital and after a little waiting, we were taken back to the triage rooms. I was told there had been an emergency c-section so we had been pushed back some. Big bummer, but in the moment, you are glad you're not the emergency so I didn't mind it. As we kept waiting, my nerves (and thirst) started building. My nurse was a bit of a train wreck and was making me even more nervous. I won't elaborate much more there, but she didn't help my growing nerves. My mom, dad, and sister were all rotating coming in to hang. By 9:40 or so, we were headed back. I was really nervous about the spinal they were giving me (similar to an epidural) and the fact that they wouldn't let Derrick be in there until that was over and I was totally prepped for surgery. The part I needed him most for and they won't allow it. Again, frustrating! The nurses were great though and I had one holding my hands and helping me through it. As soon as that was over (and it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected), they had me lay down quickly before I went totally numb. At some point over the next few minutes, I started feeling super sick. Of course, Derrick still wasn't allowed in, as I was frantically asking. Part of me thought it might be my nerves. The anesthesiologists are very adamant to make sure you let them know when something isn't right (they were also awesome, by the way!). I brought up that I felt sick and they indicated my blood pressure had just dropped really low and they were working on getting it back up. At that point, I started gagging and throwing up. I felt terrible! I was getting clammy and they could tell I wasn't responding well. However, I have to admit that they have a fabulous procedure! Within seconds, someone was holding something for me to throw up in, someone was wiping my mouth every time I threw up (I was tilted to the side for this) and someone was placing cold cloths on my head. That would have been a really handy crew for my terrible nausea all pregnancy! That happened again one more time, but not as severe. After that, it wasn't long before Derrick came in and the show was on the road! I was so unbelievably calm during this surgery. I wasn't expecting that and it was welcomed! It felt like it took forever for the arrival of our (still unknown gender) baby! At one point, the doctor made a comment about how ridiculous my abs were. He was having a hard time cutting through them, which was kinda hilarious and also a huge compliment! I can't credit that to workouts though. It was all the throwing up I did over the past 9 months. After a couple more jokes about the holes in his fingers from cutting, we were getting close! At 10:05, they pulled out our sweet son. It was such a surreal moment. I absolutely loved finding out the gender in that moment (and him peeing on me apparently). My instincts the whole pregnancy have been boy, but you never know! As soon as he was out, I literally said "that feels so incredible". Although I was numb, you can still feel pressure and all the pulling and tugging. And unfortunately, the smell of burning flesh. That part was pretty gross but they put the oxygen over my face a little more so I didn't have to breathe that in! Anyways, back to that sweet baby! While they are cleaning him up, I just sit and stare. I hate not being able to hold him and love on him, but that's also a sweet time to see Derrick get to help out! We hadn't agreed to a name yet, so I was running through our options in my head while staring at him. After they did their thing with him, I got to love on him for a little bit. I definitely got to hold him a lot longer this time than I did with Vera and it was so sweet. Soon after, he and Derrick left and they finished stitching me up. With Vera, they knocked me out after (cause I had been panicking a little), so I didn't know what to expect. I just laid there while we all chatted about running, music, etc. It was just funny to have those conversations after just having a baby, but it was fun! My doctor is super fun anyways, so it was great. At one point, I asked if they had given me something to make me calm because that was so not my nature. They hadn't though! I don't even know how long that all took, but I think by 10:50 or so, I was being wheeled back to recovery. In those moments, we agreed to the name Dean. That was Derrick's first choice and after running through the other names in our head and ruling some of them out, I agreed. He did look like a Dean to me :) It's such a grown up name to me, but he's obviously just destined to be super manly :) (you're welcome future wife).
I couldn't be happier with the whole experience! It was so different from my experience with Vera, and I enjoyed the calmness about the day!
By noon or a littler after, we were being taken to the mother baby rooms where our journey with a new baby would start! Stay tuned for another post about the first 2 weeks at home!
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Almost Time!
I've been wanting to write one more post prior to this baby coming so I wouldn't forget some of my experiences/thoughts! We are currently 10 days away from welcoming this little munchkin and I cannot contain my excitement! I have literally been so miserable for the past 9 1/2 months (cause those 2 extra weeks count when you start throwing up before you find out you're pregnant). Like I posted before, that miserable feeling comes with such a guilt. Guilt for wanting this so much and knowing how many people would love to be in my shoes, but still struggling to face everyday with a smile. I haven't handled this pregnancy well, and I really have tried, most days! I'm just as excited to no longer be pregnant as I am to meet this baby and find out it's gender!
Speaking of gender... we have waited to find out this time. Mostly, I told Derrick we weren't finding out and since men have no rights at the OBGYN, I was calling the shots :) He indicated he was going to be vocal at our 20 week ultrasound and find out and I insisted I would announce that I wasn't sure he was the father if he tried :) He knows I wasn't kidding, so he didn't push too hard to find out :) For the most part, I've loved not knowing. With having a scheduled c-section, there is really no surprise with this one. Around 30 weeks, I wanted to know. I was finding it really hard to connect with this baby. I have no idea if that's because I don't know gender or because I've struggled to enjoy being pregnant, but I think a lot of it has been not knowing. I've had some conversations with others who didn't find out, and they all agree it was a little harder to connect. It could also be because in a nutshell, this baby revolves around Vera. I know I will have to change my mindset with that, but everything about this pregnancy has been about how Vera will be affected. Only child problems, for now, I guess! The scheduled c-section part has been great cause I can have set plans for her. The timing of this baby puts me into tears almost every time cause my sweet Vera will start pre school 2 days after we come home with baby. Talk about guilt! We had plans for her to attend before we even knew I was pregnant, but she doesn't know that. I stress about how she will handle the new addition and if she'll know I still love her even though all of my attention is no longer on her. There are all normal feelings and thoughts, but it's just been interesting to see how my views have changed from the first time around.
I am a little sad about not going into labor. As crazy as that sounds, and as terrible as a 27 hour labor with an end result of c-section was, I really did enjoy the whole experience. I loved the excitement the day brought and the chaos of it all. But... I'm really glad to have a set end-date!
Mostly, I can't wait to hold this sweet baby in my arms, to no longer be with child, and to not live like I have a stomach bug! Here's to cold cuts, a glass of wine, and getting my body back! 10 days people!
Speaking of gender... we have waited to find out this time. Mostly, I told Derrick we weren't finding out and since men have no rights at the OBGYN, I was calling the shots :) He indicated he was going to be vocal at our 20 week ultrasound and find out and I insisted I would announce that I wasn't sure he was the father if he tried :) He knows I wasn't kidding, so he didn't push too hard to find out :) For the most part, I've loved not knowing. With having a scheduled c-section, there is really no surprise with this one. Around 30 weeks, I wanted to know. I was finding it really hard to connect with this baby. I have no idea if that's because I don't know gender or because I've struggled to enjoy being pregnant, but I think a lot of it has been not knowing. I've had some conversations with others who didn't find out, and they all agree it was a little harder to connect. It could also be because in a nutshell, this baby revolves around Vera. I know I will have to change my mindset with that, but everything about this pregnancy has been about how Vera will be affected. Only child problems, for now, I guess! The scheduled c-section part has been great cause I can have set plans for her. The timing of this baby puts me into tears almost every time cause my sweet Vera will start pre school 2 days after we come home with baby. Talk about guilt! We had plans for her to attend before we even knew I was pregnant, but she doesn't know that. I stress about how she will handle the new addition and if she'll know I still love her even though all of my attention is no longer on her. There are all normal feelings and thoughts, but it's just been interesting to see how my views have changed from the first time around.
I am a little sad about not going into labor. As crazy as that sounds, and as terrible as a 27 hour labor with an end result of c-section was, I really did enjoy the whole experience. I loved the excitement the day brought and the chaos of it all. But... I'm really glad to have a set end-date!
Mostly, I can't wait to hold this sweet baby in my arms, to no longer be with child, and to not live like I have a stomach bug! Here's to cold cuts, a glass of wine, and getting my body back! 10 days people!
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Round 2 (or actually 5)
I can't believe it's been {almost} 2 years since I have blogged! I've thought about it a ton, but I work online all day and usually just don't want to sit in front of a computer any longer. I do most of social media on my phone only!
It's been pretty clear through any post I make, but if you haven't heard the news, we are expecting again! Also due again in August :) This is pregnancy number 5, but pregnancy 2 for healthy, growing babies (if you're a new reader, you can read more about that in all of the 2012 posts, but the initial journey began here). I must like torturing myself through the summer. Blogging on so many topics related to this pregnancy has crossed my mind and now that it's officially my summer break, I decided to just do it.It should also be noted that I only actually remember one of those topics, so this might not happen again :)
I'd really love for this not to be a complaining post, but it probably is. I have struggled so much this pregnancy with the guilt of hating being pregnant. If you remember, staying pregnant was not easy for us. Fortunately, with this little miracle, we have not had any issues with the actual baby or being pregnant. For this pregnancy, I'm beyond thankful, but it's almost made me feel extremely guilty that i.hate.being.pregnant. I'm not even going to embed disclaimers everywhere because you can read all of the 2012 posts and know how badly we wanted a baby. I really try to see the positive in all of this, but for me, that's just the end result. I really don't think there is one thing my body handles well with pregnancy. To name a few, I'm 28 weeks and still throwing up after almost every meal. The only positive there is that I barely gain weight, so post baby weight is awesome for me :) I was much thinner after having Vera than I've ever been (Of course, I took advantage of that and it didn't take long before that wasn't the case anymore!). My whole outlook on life is skewed. People bother me, my husband bothers me, driving bothers me, people bother me (worth noting twice), life bothers me. I felt so bad the first few months that I almost felt depressed. It was so hard to keep up with Vera and try to be a good mom. Fortunately, a mom's conference (Birds on a wire, check it out!) helped me get past that and see the light. My body doesn't want to breastfeed (mostly due to a reduction I had about 6 years ago, but still). My feet literally get bigger. As in, I needed almost all new shoes after Vera. My eye sight completely fails. Not even exaggerating there. I now wear contacts 24/7. Before being pregnant, I had glasses for night driving {sometimes}. Those are just the things I can think of in 5 minutes.
At this point, I have come to a place where I'm okay not being excited about pregnancy. It doesn't make me less thankful or less excited about the actual baby coming. And it doesn't make me a bad person.
Counting the days until August.....
It's been pretty clear through any post I make, but if you haven't heard the news, we are expecting again! Also due again in August :) This is pregnancy number 5, but pregnancy 2 for healthy, growing babies (if you're a new reader, you can read more about that in all of the 2012 posts, but the initial journey began here). I must like torturing myself through the summer. Blogging on so many topics related to this pregnancy has crossed my mind and now that it's officially my summer break, I decided to just do it.It should also be noted that I only actually remember one of those topics, so this might not happen again :)
I'd really love for this not to be a complaining post, but it probably is. I have struggled so much this pregnancy with the guilt of hating being pregnant. If you remember, staying pregnant was not easy for us. Fortunately, with this little miracle, we have not had any issues with the actual baby or being pregnant. For this pregnancy, I'm beyond thankful, but it's almost made me feel extremely guilty that i.hate.being.pregnant. I'm not even going to embed disclaimers everywhere because you can read all of the 2012 posts and know how badly we wanted a baby. I really try to see the positive in all of this, but for me, that's just the end result. I really don't think there is one thing my body handles well with pregnancy. To name a few, I'm 28 weeks and still throwing up after almost every meal. The only positive there is that I barely gain weight, so post baby weight is awesome for me :) I was much thinner after having Vera than I've ever been (Of course, I took advantage of that and it didn't take long before that wasn't the case anymore!). My whole outlook on life is skewed. People bother me, my husband bothers me, driving bothers me, people bother me (worth noting twice), life bothers me. I felt so bad the first few months that I almost felt depressed. It was so hard to keep up with Vera and try to be a good mom. Fortunately, a mom's conference (Birds on a wire, check it out!) helped me get past that and see the light. My body doesn't want to breastfeed (mostly due to a reduction I had about 6 years ago, but still). My feet literally get bigger. As in, I needed almost all new shoes after Vera. My eye sight completely fails. Not even exaggerating there. I now wear contacts 24/7. Before being pregnant, I had glasses for night driving {sometimes}. Those are just the things I can think of in 5 minutes.
At this point, I have come to a place where I'm okay not being excited about pregnancy. It doesn't make me less thankful or less excited about the actual baby coming. And it doesn't make me a bad person.
Counting the days until August.....
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