Sunday, June 7, 2015

Round 2 (or actually 5)

I can't believe it's been {almost} 2 years since I have blogged! I've thought about it a ton, but I work online all day and usually just don't want to sit in front of a computer any longer. I do most of social media on my phone only!

It's been pretty clear through any post I make, but if you haven't heard the news, we are expecting again! Also due again in August :) This is pregnancy number 5, but pregnancy 2 for healthy, growing babies (if you're a new reader, you can read more about that in all of the 2012 posts, but the initial journey began here). I must like torturing myself through the summer. Blogging on so many topics related to this pregnancy has crossed my mind and now that it's officially my summer break, I decided to just do it.It should also be noted that I only actually remember one of those topics, so this might not happen again :)

I'd really love for this not to be a complaining post, but it probably is. I have struggled so much this pregnancy with the guilt of hating being pregnant. If you remember, staying pregnant was not easy for us. Fortunately, with this little miracle, we have not had any issues with the actual baby or being pregnant.  For this pregnancy, I'm beyond thankful, but it's almost made me feel extremely guilty that i.hate.being.pregnant. I'm not even going to embed disclaimers everywhere because you can read all of the 2012 posts and know how badly we wanted a baby. I really try to see the positive in all of this, but for me, that's just the end result. I really don't think there is one thing my body handles well with pregnancy. To name a few, I'm 28 weeks and still throwing up after almost every meal. The only positive there is that I barely gain weight, so post baby weight is awesome for me :) I was much thinner after having Vera than I've ever been (Of course, I took advantage of that and it didn't take long before that wasn't the case anymore!). My whole outlook on life is skewed. People bother me, my husband bothers me, driving bothers me, people bother me (worth noting twice), life bothers me. I felt so bad the first few months that I almost felt depressed. It was so hard to keep up with Vera and try to be a good mom. Fortunately, a mom's conference (Birds on a wire, check it out!) helped me get past that and see the light. My body doesn't want to breastfeed (mostly due to a reduction I had about 6 years ago, but still). My feet literally get bigger. As in, I needed almost all new shoes after Vera. My eye sight completely fails. Not even exaggerating there. I now wear contacts 24/7. Before being pregnant, I had glasses for night driving {sometimes}. Those are just the things I can think of in 5 minutes.

At this point, I have come to a place where I'm okay not being excited about pregnancy. It doesn't make me less thankful or less excited about the actual baby coming. And it doesn't make me a bad person.

Counting the days until August.....