New Year.... Finally!

Since about April I've wanted this year to be over. That want only grew with each new miscarriage. Today, I am more than ready for a new year! I have to admit that 2012 has been filled with so many ups and downs. We got to experience the excitement of being pregnant, a few times :) We grew so much closer and we hit the 3 year mark of marriage, had great times with our friends and family, and grew so much as individuals. It was a tough year, but many lessons learned. Regardless of all the good, I'm ready for a new year!

It's been a while since I posted so for a brief update, I've really just been trying to focus on the holidays. Thanksgiving was tough. Mostly because we should have had a newborn there with us. I had a breakdown, but after a nap, I was much better. Christmas wasn't as tough, but I think I knew what to expect. Of course, from this point on, everything will be, our baby would be this old.... etc. It's just a part of our lives now and I'm learning to deal with it. There is one exception.... I have a running New Year Resolution that I will be better at writing cards to people and I fail every year. I do hope to do that!

Now... on to 2013! At the beginning of the year, the FABS (my 4 best friends since high school) and I were talking about our New Year Resolutions. I had kinda forgot about them until I started thinking about resolutions for the new year. However, they are worth mentioning! I got quite a response out of mine... I had 3 resolutions. 1. Run a marathon; 2. Get pregnant; 3. Lose 10 pounds. Now you can see why my friends laughed. Those 3 things don't really go together. However, I'm here to proudly announce I accomplished all 3. Boom! I did run a marathon, I did get pregnant (outdid myself on this :)) and I went back and looked at my weight loss tracking and over the year, I officially lost 10 pounds. It wasn't all at one time and I did a very poor job of maintaining that loss, but it happened. So basically I learned my resolutions weren't specific enough. I should have said get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby and lose 10 pounds and keep it off. Live and learn I guess :) Now, because of our year and reflecting on these resolutions and my lack of specifics, I'm not making resolutions for 2013. My OCD will be in full drive if I do and each resolution would probably be a paragraph long with more details than even I want to think of. And I'm sure I would also be freaking out that I left a detail off. I'm pretty sure we can all predict what my resolutions would look like though. So instead of resolutions I'm going to focus on a word. This idea was brought to my attention just a couple of days ago from my friend, Jill. I didn't give it much thought for myself until now but it seems fitting. I think I am going to focus on the word grateful. No matter our circumstances, there is something to be grateful for. Best wishes to you and yours!

Pressing On

I really cannot believe it is mid-November. When we found out we were pregnant in February, I thought it would feel like forever to get to the due date. While so much has happened since that time, it went by fast! I have a lot to udpate on so good luck :)

Mid to late October, Derrick and I found out we were pregnant again. Mid to late October plus 2 days, we found out we had miscarried again. That is a complete and total shock to so many of you and I apologize. I just really hit a low this time and didn't have the courage to talk about it as openly. I was mad. Actually, I was pissed. When I first suspected something was wrong, I prayed so hard that it would not be the case and that it wasn't a pregnancy but I had already seen that positive test. I knew. My heart was broken. I was so mad at God and it took so much for me to admit that. How could He do this to us, again? I'm struggling much more with the anger phase this time around.  I'm still dealing with lots of emotions, but I have also found some people to help me with that. I started attending support meetings with Rock Goodbye Angel (RGA). A friend, who has experienced her own loss, first told me about them when we lost Jessie. When we lost Myrtle, my doctor gave me some information about them. I had been looking at it and thinking about it, but I wasn't about to go to a support group meeting and be like, "Hey. I'm Lauren. I can't stay pregnant." Um... no thanks. Ashamedly, I thought I wasn't going to a support group like an alcoholic to admit anything. That is not a rip on AA! I totally support this and now I understand why those people don't want to go! But you should! They're probably like, I'm not going to meetings like those pregnancy loss people to talk about my problems. I get it.  Anyways, after losing our third, I had to go. I couldn't carry it alone anymore. Derrick is super supportive and does whatever he can, whenever he can, but I needed women who understand women. Anyways, it's been a God send. I encourage you to find some type of support group if you're dealing with anything... even if it's been years! There are women there who experienced loss so many years ago and it's always going to be a struggle and you need to know that. I still have a lot of healing to do (aka when I can quit crying the whole time!) but I know I'll get there. Most importantly, I now can confidently say that I am a mom. My life changed when I saw those positive tests, and that makes me a mom. It's definitely in a different way, and I'm not claiming to know anything about motherhood or being a mother, but I have babies and that's a title no one can take away.

Of course, we ended up back at the doctor. It should also be stated that we were not trying to get pregnant, as we still had one more month before we were supposed to. I know that's really hard for some of you to hear. Those of you who are struggling with that and my heart goes out to you. But we are thankful for the ease at which we can make babies :) Heaven is going to be so much sweeter! I didn't know Derrick's grandparents, but I just picture both my grandma's loving on our sweet babies and that is a wonderful feeling. Anyways (I think I'm ADD these days!), we ended up being really encouraged. Our doctor (who I have to remember is just a doctor!) feels that this loss was chromosomal and something was not right the baby. She thinks the others have been a progesterone deficiency, which I had started taking when we found out, but literally, the next day, I miscarried, so the baby was already gone by that time. We did have chromosomal testing done, which I have previously written about, stating that I had no interest in this. Well, that changed. We decided that we needed to know, but we also decided we didn't want to know WHO it was (btw... watching Derrick get blood drawn was VERY entertaining... I now know how to make him do what I want!) . I think we would both blame ourselves for years to come. Today, we found out that everything is completely normal on both sides. I was so relieved to hear this information and I didn't even know I had been stressed about it! Tomorrow, we should find out how my Vitamin D has progressed. At this point, if we have another miscarriage, we will be referred to a specialist. I'm hoping the next one develops normally (duh), but at least we know what's next.

Of course, we also decided to name this baby. Which I have not shared with anyone now that I think about it. Not even our families! But I'm already typing this now, so oops :) We decided to name our baby Lincoln. Which is interesting, because we also already have a weird obsession with state/city names and we realized that 2 of our babies fit under this, and we had no intention of that! Anyways, Lincoln really only comes from one reason. And I apologize in advance for the lack of discretion I'm about to show (especially to our bunk mates :)), but we know when this baby was conceived, and the area we stayed in Chicago was called Lincoln Park. We so enjoyed the experience and our time here (obviously, haha) and it just reminds us of the exciting time. I had that baby with me during the marathon, even if it was just a group of cells beginning the formation of a sweet baby.

Jessie's due date also came and went. I was so anxious over this day. November 12th was our due date, and while I know a ton of things could have changed that, I had such ownership over it once we lost Jessie. It just came so quickly! I had been encouraged to find a way to honor our babies at RGA and I am so glad for this. I had already planned to get charms for my Pandora bracelet that represented them in some way, but that wasn't a real honor, or something that would continue every year. So we decided to celebrate with a small dessert. We both got some fudge (from the yummy fudge shop) and put candles (aka matches, because you can't really expect a 26 year old without children or nephews to keep candles) in it and blew them out, with wishes! That was the saddest piece of fudge I have ever eaten, but it was good for the soul! We will continue to do that, with each child, each year. We want out future children (God willing) to know about their siblings and to one day, understand. It was a tough day but we felt your love and support!

Now for a few random comments!

Over the past 2 weeks, I have heard the best and worst responses to our situation and I just wanted to share those! The worst has been a response that referred to our situation as awkward. Um, no. Not awkward. It really ticked me off, but I got over it am getting over it. The best was the response of "You'll get the hang of it soon!" This could have been taken offensively, but it was the first time someone had the courage to make light of it and it just made me smile (and laugh!).

I borrowed a book from one of the ladies at RGA that has helped me so much. It's called I'll Hold You in Heaven by Jack Hayford. It helped me to understand what the Bible says about pregnancy loss and specifically miscarriage. It answered so many questions I didn't even know I had. It gave such clarity, and I can now confidently say that when I die and go to Heaven, there will be no confusion as to who my babies are and what a sweet, sweet day that will be, for more reasons than my 3!

Continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We're not giving up hope yet! I also didn't proof read this post, because it's too long, so if you're reading this, I commend you and also expect you to forgive my errors :)

Chicago Marathon

Well I've been wanting to update about Chicago for a while but haven't found the time! Well, I found it and hope I don't leave out any fun details!

As you know, my training for this marathon was pretty non-exsistent. And I developed Achilles tendonitis a couple weeks prior to the race. I was still excited to be going to Chicago but very, very afraid! Derrick and I left VERY early Thursday morning and arrived in Chicago before 9am. Our friend, Jill, had arranged accommodations at a Hostel. I was slightly concerned about being shot here but it actually turned out okay! The place was overflowing with young international students. I felt old, but that's normal lately (per my facebook statuses' :)) Anyways, we couldn't check in until 3 so we explored out little town of Lincoln Park. I quickly fell in love with Chicago! As the day continued, the rest of our travel partners arrived, Jill and her friend Sophia.

The weekend continued with sight-seeing (which was not helping my Achilles tendonitis one bit)! We enjoyed Chicago Style Hot Dogs (which kinda made me sick), Garrett's Popcorn (amazing!) and Deep-dish Pizza! For a non-pizza lover, I'm convinced I would weigh 400 pounds if I lived in Chicago and so close to this pizza place. Amazing! We enjoyed Navy Pier and Millenium Park mostly. The "Bean" was quite entertaining for us. And we spent a ridiculous amount of time at the Expo because we're those people. We like free things, what can I say?! And we got to go to Second City, a comedy club where lots of famous people started.

Race day quickly approached and I was absolutely.freaking.out. I thought I might throw up but I really needed to keep the carbs down that I had consumed the night before and that morning! Not to mention that it was freezing and I already had to buy pants instead of the shorts I had prepared to wear. Any runner knows how scary it is to switch clothes on race day that you've never trained in! We were a little late getting there and storing our bags that we were running to the start corral. It was so absolutely packed that we didn't even really get to stretch. Awesome way to start a marathon! We waited in the corral for close to 30 minutes I think before crossing the start line. I was still freaking out. I really did not think I would be able to do it and quitting was not an option for me at this point. For the first 6 miles, I still wasn't sure what I was really doing. In my head, I had to come up with a game plan. I was using Jill's running plan, but I needed a little more. I decided that the first 6.5 miles were going to be for Jessie and the next 6.5 for Myrtle. I don't think I've ever experienced an easier 13 miles than I did that day (it probably helped that Chicago was extremely flat!). After mile 13, I really didn't know what would happen. I knew my competitive side would kick in and I might as well finish. But then mile 16 hit. Up until this mile, Jill and I were running together. Derrick went on at mile 6 I believe. We were running 6 miles and walking 1ish. I couldn't do this anymore. I decided to start running 4 minutes and walking 1 minute. At mile 21, I was hurting, grouchy, and hungry. We ran through so many beautiful areas that smelled so good! They should close restaurants when marathons are going on. It was freezing and the smell of coffee was overwhelming! Anyways, by mile 21 I was miserable. At some point, I ended up walking about 3 minutes to refuel. When I attempted to run again, my body hated me. I realized at that point that only walking for 1 minute was crucial. I wasn't quitting with only 5 miles left. It became a slow, slow jog. There were so many people around me way more miserable than I was, and that encouraged me ( I know, that's mean, but it did).

5 hours and 25 minutes later, I crossed the finish line. When I turned the corner to last 2 tenths of a mile, I lost it. I could barely run with the tears beginning to stream down my face and trying to hold back the tears. I had a few emotional moments throughout the course, but the end was just liberating. After all I had been through physically prior to this race, I was just so happy. I was happy I made it and I was SO incredibly happy it was over!

It truly was an amazing long weekend. From the beginning I have said I wanted to do one marathon just to say I did it. The worst part is, I already want to beat that time (which won't be hard with any training at all!) It's disgusting that I even have the desire to do another one. But it won't be anytime soon! I'm thinking 5 or 6 years from now! 

So Long Summer Sunshine...

It looks like we may finally have some answers. Of course, I'm going to make you read all of the other stuff and strategically interweave the answer :) muahahahaha.... the beauty of blogging :)

Last time I updated about pregnancy related things, I talked about the near-death HSG test. I finally think I've recovered from the test and I've (almost) forgotten how horrible it was :) Thank goodness for that! I probably shouldn't have blogged about that in case I ever need it again. No wonder people start forgetting things so quickly. That way, in 20 years if I have to have that test again, I probably won't even remember I had it, nor will I remember I blogged about it. I probably won't even remember I have a blog, the same way I like to try and forget I ever had a Xanga. (If you remember Xanga, I'm impressed :))

Since that time, we went back to the doctor. I FINALLY found out that my blood clotting tests came back normal. No issues there. At first, I felt a twinge of sadness. I guess I wanted there to be something for the cause and something that could be fixed pretty easily. I felt like the more tests I had to have, the bigger the problem. After that short lived feeling, I realized how thankful I was I didn't have an issue with that. Who would want a blood clotting disorder?! Sometimes, my grief over the loss of our 2 babies makes me think crazy things! We spoke with the doctor and again, she confirmed that my HSG was totally normal, which was great. I was happy about this one! I was aware that some of those problems are not as easily fixed. We talked about some other things, and I mentioned my thoughts on my thyroid. I've always thought I had an underactive thyroid. I got it checked once, but it came back "normal". I explained some of the symptoms to her, which were fatigue and weight related issues. I have always thought I just require a lot of sleep. My allergist thought it was because of all the allergies I have and that my body is constantly fighting to stay healthy and to be breathe well. With allergy shots, it did get better, but I've since been instructed to stop those with pregnancy and I just have decided to quit altogether. It's definitely a sacrifice because I'm often miserable without them, but so worth it. And with the weight, I know good and well that my diet is constantly tempted. But even when I was doing great and running a ridiculous amount, I always thought I wasn't losing in the way I should. I'm sure we all think that at some point. With those symptoms, she wanted to test it. We got those back this week. I don't have a thyroid issue, but in the thyroid panel, they also test for other things. Those results came back with an answer for us. Apparently, I have a significant Vitamin D deficiency. I was so surprised to hear this, since I think I'm outside more than the average person. With all my running and workout classes, I'm outside a lot! I definitely don't drink milk but I do eat a lot of yogurt. Anyways, I was surprised.

Now, how is Vitamin D related to pregnancy? Well, good question. It's kind of a new development in recent years. It affects the lining of the uterus. Without enough Vitamin D, the lining is not thick enough, making it difficult for a baby to implant properly. It results in early term miscarriages. Of course, we will never know if that's what caused us to lose Jessie and Myrtle (hahaha, still makes me laugh), but at least we know a step to take. I've been instructed to take 5,000 IU of Vitamin D a day. In 8 weeks, they will test it again. Apparently, this Vitamin D stuff is a pretty big controversy right now. The amount that you should receive varies greatly between doctors and whoever comes up with those daily value percentages. Currently, the daily recommended value is 400 IU. However, there are many doctors who believe in more than that. Vitamin D deficiency also causes fatigue and actually is directly related to weight and allergies. I'm anxious to see if it helps in both departments. It's related to a ton of other things too, but those are the only ones I'm concerned about at this point. Although cancer was a big one, so I should probably be worried about that too. I'm just so thankful to have information that can help us that is as simple as a Vitamin supplement.

This deficiency is also directly related to gluten intolerance (Celiac disease), which is crazy because my sister has recently been trying to convince me I'm going to have Celiac because she has a gluten sensitivity which could eventually lead to Celiac if she kept easting gluten. She's not, so we'll never know really (I think, it gets confusing). But if she has it, then my chances of having it are very high. Gluten can cause you to have a malabsorption of Vitamin D if you have the intolerance. I don't have an intolerance for it, but I can't help but wonder about that! Only time will tell so until them, bring on the wheat! And the sun :) 

So, I climbed Stone Mountain yesterday for a field trip and worked outside some today. Bring on the Vitamin D :) Actually, I didn't do either of those to soak up the Vitamin D, apparently I'm not soaking anything up! I should probably be asking you all to pray for me to absorb the sun, but that's weird and I'm really glad it's Fall and getting cooler, so just pray for our future, whatever that may look like :)

Marathon Training

Our marathon is coming up very soon... October 7 to be exact. I'm supposed to be on week 13 of training. I'm on week like 6. I'm absolutely screwed! I'm more nervous than I've ever been about racing.

When I first started running, it was simply to get in shape. Races quickly became a huge part of our lives. We were constantly signing up and training for races. After a handful of 5ks, I started placing. I really liked that feeling! My competitive side came out and I was running in 10ks and placing a lot of the time. Definitely wasn't placing in huge races with thousands of people, but I was doing alright. I was loving it! After miscarriage number one, and even leading up to it, I was told to quit running. I had blogged about running and pregnancy before the miscarriage but not after. Well, afterwards my mileage and endurance suffered greatly. Unless you've been through one, you don't realize that you are physically very weak for a couple of weeks. I started running again but I was struggling. We had not been doing races and I wasn't itching to get back to them since I wasn't doing as well. I was getting back in the hang of it, and got pregnant again. A good problem to have but we all know that didn't end well. Since then, I've been struggling. I wasn't even "allowed" to start running again for a couple of weeks after the 2nd one. That puts me at mid August. Since then, it's still been a struggle. It's been hard to find my motivation. I've wanted to change up my workout routine, but you really can't do that int his kind of training. While I have been running, my mileage is comparable to a half marathon training plan. I haven't even been following the training plan and I'm sick of it! It's so time consuming, and I haven't even done it! I don't think marathons are for me, but half marathons definitely are and I'm excited to be excited about it again. It'll just have to wait till October 7!

I secretly (not so secret anymore) have hoped that I would get a sprain or something so I could get out of this marathon. I know, that's awful! I really do want to do it, but I'm mad because I already know I'm not going to do well. When I first signed up, I was honestly hoping for a 4 or 4:30 time. Now I'm just hoping the sag wagon doesn't pass me and tell me to get off the course.

At this point, I'm embracing the fact that I am even running. With everything I have been through physically, I'm okay with not doing well. But I am genuinely concerned about not being prepared! I just hope my body makes it and I'm not the last to cross the finish line.

Only time will tell!

Test Updates

I have had lots of people asking, so I thought I would go ahead and update everyone! We went in for the HSG this morning, bright and early. I was feeling pretty calm about it, which is really not my nature. They had to do bloodwork first, to ensure I was not pregnant, since it's a dangerous test if you are. I went back for the test around 7:25. After I changed, we were ready to go. I was still feeling alright about it.

Before I go any further, I am warning many of you to stop reading if you do not want some serious details. Not necessarily gross details, but I will be talking about the female anatomy, and more specifically my female anatomy. It is slightly weird sharing it, but if anyone reading this is going through the same thing at this time or at some point in the future, I want the information to help them and prepare them. So make your decision to read it and embrace it or to turn away. I know a statement like this makes you want to read it now, but you can't say I didn't warn you!

When the test started, it was only slightly uncomfortable. For women reading this, it was much like a pap smear. Well, then things turned worse. I'm trying not to be dramatic in this post, or exaggerate, but it was the most horribly painful experience. I know many of you reading this are surprised since many of you told me you had gone through the same test and it was not very painful. Well, for most people, it shouldn't be. There was the initial pain of them attaching (or whatever they did) to the cervix. It was a quick pinch and once it was attached, it no longer really hurt, just uncomfortable. Well then, the nurse comes up to my face and tells me to start taking deep breaths as the doctor was going to have to dilate me because apparently I have a very small cervix. I wasn't freaking out at first because with the first miscarriage, dilation happened, and while it was very painful, there was relief in between "contractions". The next thing I know, they are handing me a wet cloth and patting my face and neck with it. I guess I looked pretty awful :) At this point, I knew it was about to get bad. (I'm getting tears in my eyes now thinking about it!) Whatever dilating entails was the worst experience ever. I was literally screaming. That is so not my nature. It was the only gut reaction I had. I was being very dramatic about my deep breaths as I wanted to concentrate on them and not the pain. Well, I ended up stuffing the washcloth in my mouth to prevent loud yells. I should probably change the word yells to gasps of "ouch". Regardless, I was not quiet throughout this process. I thought I was about to throw up and was about to ask for a trashcan until they told me the pain part is over and they were injecting the dye. The dye definitely caused me to be super crampy, but it was much more bearable. Once the dye was in, I had to rotate a little to make sure it flowed to the correct places.  I was unable to see the X Ray screen due to the set up of the room and the actual x-ray machine over me, but I ended up being okay with that.I don't think I could have focused on it anyways. After the test, I sat up and they made me sit there for a few minutes because they thought I was either about to pass out or throw up. I quickly confirmed that I was okay now, but not a few minutes ago :) I changed and on our way out, they told me that they had told Derrick to go get the car. The parking lot was not very far away at all, so I knew he would be super nervous about that, wondering what had happened! I could read it on his face that he was, but when he saw me walking out and smiling, I think he knew I was okay :)

When we got in the car, I looked to see what time it was. I was absolutely positive the test had lasted much longer than they had anticipated. I was wrong. It was 7:46. That included changing and everything! I was shocked. It seemed so much longer. I looked at Derrick and told him I just need to cry. I had held it together while in there and just needed to cry. I did for about the next 10 minutes. I was just so surprised at how much it hurt. They kept telling me how great I was doing and I remember saying "Not really, I keep yelling!" They laughed but quickly affirmed it. We go back to meet with her next week and go over everything and I plan on asking her about how I handled it. I'm just so curious now. I've really been trying to figure out my pain threshold and I think this may tell me the answer :) If I'm lucky enough to carry and deliver our children, an epidural is looking awesome right now.

The results of everything were normal, though. No abnormalities. That's good news! She mentioned something about just trying again at this point and taking progesterone once we get pregnant. I plan to discuss this much further next week. Still no results back on the blood clotting disorders. Hoping for that this week, too! All in all, I'm glad it's over. I'm super sore right now and loading up on the pain reliever :) Thanks for all the prayers. They definitely worked for everything being normal, which is the most important, but some of you need to work on your relationship with God because he didn't hear your pain-free ones :) Kidding, we appreciate them all!

Tests, Tests, and Hopefully No More Tests!

While I am determined to not make this a pregnancy and miscarriage blog, I also want to keep everyone updated. And since this is a lot of what is going on in our lives right now, it's also very much about us and what is going on. But be on the lookout for more non-baby related posts!

As you may know, our doctor's prognosis for testing in the future was to suffer through one more miscarriage before testing was needed. This seemed to be the most common answer when I talked to people. I didn't like it, but I also wanted to listen to the doctors and do whatever they recommended. A few people began reaching out to me and telling me their experiences with recurrent miscarriage and what their issues had been. At first, I was just listening, but as numerous people kept bringing this up, even when I was not the one initiating any discussion on the topic, it started to resonate with me. In the midst of these conversations was also the name of a particular doctor. I found myself in battle between following doctor's orders and taking a stand for my own health. I thought it was crazy to wait for another miscarriage, but I also was comforted by the fact that my doctor's did not consider it cause for testing just yet. Well, I decided there was no way we could lose another baby with this new information I was getting.

I have mentioned before (I think) that my doctor's were interested in chromosomal testing if a third miscarriage was to occur. I started thinking about this, and for me, chromosome testing was not what I wanted at this point. Now, I am speaking on my view of what this entails. I never discussed it further with our doctor as it was not something we would do just yet. With that said, I could be completely wrong on what the results would tell me or the types of tests we would do. To me, chromosome testing would test our chromosomes (obviously) and let us know if there were any issues with those. In my head, this only told us who the problem was stemming from, and really would not offer any solutions. I know it would give us more information, but at this point, I wanted to rule out things first. This new doctor was known for being much more proactive and finding more answers. After one of the conversations I was having with someone, I called and made the appointment, which so happens to be in Dahlonega, which is very strange to me!

Less than one week later, I was sitting in the doctor's office with Derrick, making a plan with this doctor. Now, it should be stated that I'm not jumping doctors. I still really like the doctors we switched to but I didn't like their plan for testing. At this point, I have not made a real decision as to who we will continue to see. Right now, we're taking it one step at a time. The only negative about this new doctor is that she does things at Chestatee Hospital, which is not okay with me :) A few days before this appointment, I was at the other office, getting the blood work done that was originally in the plan. It tests for blood clotting disorders. This was also the first step the new doctor wanted to try. However, her next step was to do a Hysterosalpingogram (dye test) if the bloodwork came back normal. The dye test is where they inject dye into my uterus and look at X Rays to see where the dye went. This will show if there are any abnormalities within the uterus or surrounding areas that may be affecting a baby being able to implant properly and thrive. There could be a number of answers from this test. The test takes about 15 minutes and we will have answers immediately. That part is super exciting, as I will leave knowing the results and the next steps. I was advised to take some pain meds before going in, which of course has me worried. That prompted me to google it, which was a bad idea. I'm thinking about a couple glasses of wine at 5:30am :) Just kidding! I go in for that tomorrow morning at 6am! Unfortunately, I will have to do it at Chestatee. If you know the Dahlonega area, you know why that is scary! But they aren't putting me to sleep or anything, so hopefully I survive :) Actually, I'm slightly okay with going here so I can form my own opinion about the hospital and not the horror stories I have heard! The results of the blood clotting bloodwork have not come back yet. Some of them did, and they are normal, but apparently the 2 big ones they are looking for are still at the lab. We're going to go ahead with the dye test, regardless. So hopefully by tomorrow late afternoon, we will have dye test answers as well as blood clotting answers.

I'm so excited to be moving forward with some of this and finding answers. I hope we get answers quickly, but I am also aware that all of these tests may come back normal. One big thing we found out from this doctor is that the chance of another miscarriage within 3 months of a miscarriage, is over 60% higher. It may have been more than that, possibly 80%, I can't remember. While that totally sucks that we didn't know that before, it kinda puts us back at the first miscarriage being a "fluke" and the 2nd one resulting in us getting pregnant too quickly. Some people have asked me about that, but according to both previous doctors, there were differing opinions on the waiting period. To me, it makes sense. But in our drive to have a baby, we listened to the doctors without doing much research on our own.

It was hard to make the decision to see this new , as I wanted to seek God's will. It's hard to differentiate between "signs", but I like to think of those as God. I hope we're making the right decision by going through some of these tests. It's exciting to me, so I hope that's a good sign :) Stay tuned for results and updates!